My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
