RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
