I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
