you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
