we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
