yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
