Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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