i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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