His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize