Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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