I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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