Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
