Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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