someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
