____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
