please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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