Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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