I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
