the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
