I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
