so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
