there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
