Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Say something about gay babies.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
