Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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