Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
