So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
