as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
