You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS