i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.