He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...