Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
