My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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