His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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