Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
