I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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