Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
