She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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