Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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Your shirt... Was in my pants
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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