Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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