i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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