nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
