already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
