Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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