Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
