Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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