but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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