Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
