Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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