The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
