Say something about gay babies.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
