I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
where are my eyebrows?
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