I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
