ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
