So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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