I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
