a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
