Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
