My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We're too hungover to prance.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
