I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
