so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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