There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so let's talk penis.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Alive.
So much puke
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
