I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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