Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
