But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
