Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So squirting runs in the family.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
