i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
