She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
