apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
