See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
