All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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