if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
