i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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