I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
