My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
