Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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