Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
two words: eviction party
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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