Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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