Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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