seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
